you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
