We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina just clenched in fear
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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