I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
