We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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