the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
