arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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