ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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