Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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