Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
