I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
