he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
