i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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