Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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