how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
