The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize