How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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