the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
