I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
