No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
