When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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