and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
