Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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