I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
