I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
