we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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