I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
