she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
