I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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