So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.