I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance