I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will be naked everywhere
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?