yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.