I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?