I'm jealous of your bromance
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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