i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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