Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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