here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
