escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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