I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
too bad you live with your parents still
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
