I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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