Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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