The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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