Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
