Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
