Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
