my vag is so smooth its legendary
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He passed out mid-signature
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
