Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
