Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
