chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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