i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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