you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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