You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
