Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
