I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
