So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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