There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize