it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
