my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
