I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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