I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
