:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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