WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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