I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
