dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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