just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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