I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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