I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
